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Couple years ago I was living on the streets of Tallahassee Florida. I had been homeless for going on seven years at that time. At the end of my work day, yes I just said work day, I would wander down to my spot underneath the parking garage at a local fast food joint and relax and wait for some buddies of mine to come round. The called my parking block there "My House." We would all meet up, Dave. Matt, Dale, Jimmy, a couple others and drink some beers smoke a little and just shoot the @!$%#. One day we got to playing around with Jeff Foxworthy's 'You might Be a Redneck' theme and put our own unique spin on it. We were all homeless, but for some reason it never seemed to get us down. After a bit we decided that some of these were worth saving and we recorded them in a notebook. Few nights ago I was going through my old backpack and found it. I would like to share some our nuggets of wit with y'all today........ Here goes
If your summer home is the picnic table on the other side of the park, You just might be homeless.
If you have ever stood in front of a dumpster after sliding back the door and realize you are wondering why the light did not come on. You just might be......
If your Wardrobe/Vanity has zippers....
If your Sunday best also happens to be Monday through Saturday's....
If your primary care physician has the initials E.R.....
If your HMO is aisle 4 at the Dollar General....
If you have ever pulled something trying to stop and pick up a penny...
If the name of your electric service provider is Duracell....
If you see a cardboard box and think "Hey I could fix that up and..."...
If you have ever had the whole day to yourself and it pissed you off.....
If you have ever seriously considered throwing your clothes away rather than wash them....
If your night on the town was looking for a safe place to sleep......
If the knob on the front door to your home is a zipper.....
If your Master Bath is a spigot and a tree.....
If you have ever been offered a choice between sex or a hot shower and had to think about it......
If you have ever gone to the movies just to take a nap......
If you are on a first name basis with the staff at the plasma center....
If you have ever felt going to jail was an opportunity...
If you can combine two sweatshirts and come out with a sleeping bag.....
Anyway them there is the highlights. There are many others but they are of the 'you had to have been there' variety. Hope you like them. I am sure the fellas would all be pleased they are finally going public...
Have a good one!! tesla013 Out..............
